Thursday, October 16, 2008

Kettle Bells


This... is a kettle bell. It is a Russian instrument of torture, er, I mean, strength training that has become popular in North America -- particularly with those people who do mixed martial arts (and that would be my trainer). That said, it is also Sebastien's instrument of torture. The 16kg bell is know as one 'pood'.. and ironically, an intense kettle bell workout last night actually helped me poo. But I'll get to that later.

I was introduced to the kettle bell last week during my traning session. Basically, I stand with the bell in both hands, squat to the ground, swing the bell between my legs (taking great care to not hit myself with it), and then swing it upward over my head. Rinse and repeat. 30 times. And then take a water break. And then do dumbell curls. And then do 30 more kettle bell swings. And then more dumbell curls. And what's that again? Yeah right, more kettle bell swings, but this time with one arm. But, Sebastien's being nice now and making me swing the damn thing only 15 times... per arm. Oh yeah, with a dumbell curl break inbetween another set or two.

And I wonder why my blood pumps when I do it.

Basically, it's like doing close to 200 squats, holding weights, while activating every muscle group in my body. So after doing this last week, I was on a bit of an adrenaline high. So high, that I wrote my 'thankful' blog entry... (see last week).

Well, on Friday morning, I wasn't so thankful.

My legs were so sore I had to crawl up the stairs from my bedroom to go pee (don't worry Dad, we're not at the poo part yet). My quads have never been that sore. My hamstrings felt tighter than a frog's ass underwater. My hip flexors were so sore that I walked around the office on Friday like had just shat my pants (don't worry, still not the poo part). :)

After some soaking in an Epsom salt bath, and more stretching and more exercise, things loosened up. My muscles... not the poop. So much so that on Tuesday night this week, I cranked out my full 45 minute elliptical session, followed by 300 crunches (non-stop). I was on my high again!!!

But I hadn't pooped in 2 days. Something wasn't working with my system. And for those of you who know me well, you know that I can set my watch by how regular I am. Literally. About 7:15am and about 6:00pm each day. All good.

But not so much the other day. So, I went to my training session last night, ready to brag about my 300 crunches -- I think I subliminally thought that the more crunches I did, I might actually squeeze the poop out. It obviously didn't work. I told Seb about my kettle bell pain -- and I haven't seen him smile that big in a while. It's like he took some sick pleasure in my pain. At that moment, I knew I shouldn't have told him how much it hurt. Why? Cause he made me do it all over again last night. Same cycle. Same blood-pumping workout. And this time, I didn't accidentally hit myself in the 'nads. One word -- ouch.

So, my workouts continue to invigorate me. I'm still getting good results, and I've started letting Sebastien do a weigh-in every week. I've come to accept the fact that in order to measure my progress, that I need to do the numbers thing sooner or later. So, I decided sooner rather than later. I'm happy to say that the numbers are moving in the right direction and I continue to lose where it counts and gain where it matters. And I still managed to drop weight this week in spite of not pooping for 2 days.

All that said, you'll all be thrilled to know that I had a breakthrough this afternoon. Literally. I had a very satisfying poop. It was at about 2:30pm, so a bit off schedule, but I'm looking forward to getting back on cycle in the next day or so.

And that my friends, is how I'm doing these days. Loving my workouts. Suffering (in the best way possible) at the hands of my trainer and his kettle bells of torture. And I'm back on the path to regularity.

What else could a guy ask for???

Until next week.....

Kia kaha.

PS. See, Dad -- the 'poop' part wasn't so bad after all, right? ;)